Ha, Ha, Hee, Hee – but it is true. When I first started, some ten years ago, working on car rallies (classic and modern classic cars driving from London to Jerusalem raising massive funds for charities) the need was met by the desire to show off spectacular Ferraris, Bentleys, Rollers, Astons, Porsches, etc, as well as classic cars such as Healeys, Jaguars, Lanchesters, Cords and of course a Rover P5!
Today we need something a little more realistic – and of course accessible to everyone.
It came to us in a fairly unspectacular meal in St Albans – I believe Elton John wrote ‘Candle in the Wind’ in the same toilet – and as the typically insipid American style starter came to an end we hit upon the idea.
Why not put together a Walk in the Pyrenees.
Ok so it wasn’t the most pertinent train of thought for the start of a successful business campaign but it did get us started on a relatively non-drug fuelled train of thought (we both take statins so the heart rates never went too far above the norm as we generated a serious amount of excitement – and of course flatulence which is a by-product of the Xenical). Sure enough as eggs is eggs we trawled through various similar ideas and as the days dragged into months the formula came into view.
The most amazing part of this whole process was the fact that we were not inventing the wheel – quite handy given the nature of the idea because we would have had to invent the wheel in the morning and then the internal combustion engine by the mid-afternoon. It would have taken the best part of the next day before we had got to shock absorbers and possibly the weekend before we got to the cup-holders (and you cannot run a Banger Rally without cup-holders!). Banger rallies have been run for many, many years and run successfully. We have even been on a few ourselves but what we wanted to do was make it happen OUR way. And boy have we got some wacky ways.
First to the Duck - Billie. The Billie Duck logo is honestly borne from the moment we came up with the idea of the rallies in their current incarnation. When you think of a rally you think of the Paris – Dakar Rally.
Our tours are not races so the “rally” word is perhaps an incorrect term. But what else do you call “it”? A grand tour – nah too poncy….a “procession” – sounds like a Fred Astaire movie (for those of you too young look him up on Wikipaedia – although I preferred Gene Kelly as a freeform artiste).
So we come back to the word “rally“.
Why not – although I stress yet again and poSSIBLY IN BOLD LEtters that our events are not races. If you drive a car that has been on the road for over 15 years but not yet attained the value of 4 figures and is still depreciating then you canne’ push the laws of physics. If you drive too fast the cops will get ya – and if they get ya just make sure it is your co-driver who is at the wheel. Otherwise you will fell SOOOOO stupid.
No REALLY, just ask Armando.
He will tell you – if you buy him a couple of vodka and cranberries. No he is NOT gay but feels it is better to drink that than the Light beers he is partial to otherwise everyone will start calling him gay (not that there is anything wrong with being gay but us straight guys would prefer to not be thought of as such even if we are married with kids – although it might improve our chances of looking like we can reject a lady who approaches us!) and Armando has some little blue pills to prove you all wrong).
The second issue was that of cost – too much and you cannot afford it and too little and you would not take it seriously. Let’s face it – we have to live and mortgages do not pay themselves. Price therefore was an issue we had to work through and thankfully the marketplace spoke….£250 per entry. So we then needed a website to sell the product – and here you are. We really hope you like it – I am very fragile and have been known to literally throw the toys out of the pram when I get negative criticism. No seriously though, I thrive on your comments to make us better, blah, blah, blah!
So here we are.
It is 25 March and we have around 40 cars to go on various rallies – you are possibly not as excited as we are. We are literally peeing ourselves with anticipation – this is in part due to a creaky prostate but those lovely men a Pfizer have a variety of pills to ensure we can drive roughly 57 miles before needing a pit-stop. As the day approaches we are MOTing loads of cars – all in red of course (except for the grey one and one in a strange fluorescent pink but that should go on ebay).
The SMFBC (South Mongolian Free Broadcasting Company) and the Free Uruguayan Circadian Radio Station have been offered an exclusive access to the event. If they take it up we can be ensured a really good if undisclosed source of meat for the trip – if not we will have to set our own traps (no duck please). We are also making a commemorative full-size car made out of Armando’s toe-nail clipping collection and a year’s worth of belly-button fluff. We will also be auctioning off my beard at the last night party in Budapest – for charity of course!
So ends my first blog. Rambling it may be but what do you expect after a weekend of palinka and half a dozen fish goujons.
