So what is it that gets men (and of course women) so excited about the open road.

Why do we all need to go on these rides of fancy across Europe?

Why not just take an EasyJet flight and sip coffee in one of the 3.2 billion Starbucks dotted in the centre of the city in question – you know, next door to H&M or Gap (or indeed one of the three Janucz Coffee outlets set up after the death of the local warlord / communist leader / Eurovision popstar who got three points in 1983).

Perhaps you might want to stay in the Ibis in that city – you know the one that looked like the Ibis in that other city. You know it was different because only Aer Lingus flew there and that was three pence more expensive (being 2p return).

Herein lieth the answer to our question.

In an attempt to ignore the crass globalisation of the planet and of course to make a stand against the capitalist exploitation of the lumpen proletariat, we take the decision to drive in a recycled vehicle to a far away land – where we dump it therefore negating the potential harmful damage to the ozone layer over our home town.

Of course for some of the less Marxist aware among us the reason is simpler.

This is the best way to see the most amount of land we would not normally see – ever – and people we would never speak to – and indeed curious lumps of meat / fish / vegetable / flour like substance we would never put on a fork / spoon let alone let it pass our gullet.

For some it is the opportunity to sample hop-based liquid that is not available in Tesco or indeed any convenient paper bag on any park-bench in this green and pleasant land we call Grande Bretagne.
So, the reasons are multitudinous. Therefore I will tell you why I do this thing called “A BANGER RALLY”.
About ten years ago I discovered that some people had very posh cars that were once the cars of the very poor but were now worth a lot of money.

I’ll give you an example.

My grandfather bought a Ford Thunderbird off my Uncle Sid in 1962. It was beige and had no radio but did have a right-hand drive conversion. My grandfather loved the car. He cherished it and every day he got into it and caressed the fake leather steering wheel. He never went very far because my grandmother was 20stone and the suspension could not handle her on the long journey down to Paignton where she could sit on the beach and eat authentic fish and chips from the only Indians in the town. They had opened a fish and chip shop in protest at the English couple who had established the Bengal Lancer take-away at the end of the street.

Consequently my grandfather usually took his Ford Zephyr. He drove eight hours to get there and then drove all the way back.

One day he decided he needed to sell the Thunderbird. He part-exchanged it for a small bag of beans (or in our world this was a new Transit van to help him with his dress deliveries).

Today this car would be worth around £25,000 whilst the Zephyr – the cast off car he ran into the ground – would be worth £32,000.

Why?

Because there are people out there who covet cars as works of art and engineering masterpieces and desperately want to show them off – as well as race them and visit places.

For most of us mere non-Bransons, the only way to experience this is either to speculate of the worth of a Toyota Corolla in 27 years or to buy a banger and try to drive it somewhere different.

Different…..

Well we looked at the various famous cities in Europe and chose some really different locations to go to. We want you to go down some really different roads – don’t just take the motorway. This is for emergencies – desperate need to go for number twos or it hitting 10pm and you need to burn around 120 miles before malnutrition sets in. By the time you leave the UK we will have driven several thousand miles in our own cherished banger to ensure the routes you discard are the best routes from and to said destinations that your money can buy.

We want you to come home thinking that you really saw some serious parts of Europe that EasyJet could not show you. When you do it in your own car you have the freedom to stop at any cafe, restaurant or brothel you chose. You can sip on anything you wish without fear of impunity – as long as your team mate becomes designated driver. Each and every region has its own specialist beer, liquor and of course sausage. So it is imperative you try each and every one.

For sausage advice you need look no further than our own sausage expert Armando – he has stuffed most of them so as long as you don’t care too much what is in them then you can enjoy a barf free experience!
But let me digress no more…..

Why do we love the journey so much? What is it about taking the risk in a car discarded by everyone including the scrap merchant, over two thousand miles (mileage dependant on how old the Tom Tom is and of course how relevant you believe travelling to Prague is dependant on visiting Barcelona), and taking your ex-best mate to be across the vast cabbage wasteland of Europe?

All I can say is that if you don’t know the answers to either you definitely need to come on one of our rallies.

If of course you do know the answer to these questions – then you are already on the rally!

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 11th, 2010 at 11:23 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.